trying to keep busy
Back in November, I finally got back into work. Since about 5 months before that, I was trying to keep myself as busy as possible, which was difficult because I had no reason to leave the house most days. Keeping busy distracts myself from the bad things in my life but I don’t think I’ll be able to keep this up forever. Everything that has made my life difficult remains a problem. I don’t have “bad days” that often, but I feel like death and the hurtful thoughts creep back when one of those days decides to.
Working is a good reason for me to get out of the house on four days of the week. I don’t work on the weekends so those two days are usually the worst. I try to get outside with the camera whenever I can. My colleagues at work are all lovely people but I struggle to connect with them. Conversations are hard to start so instead I just joke around like some sort of overgrown child. I’ve been isolated for 10 years and I feel retarded.
My job involves graphic design work and helping out with other stuff with the shop. I get to help with the painting class on one evening a week. One of my biggest regrets is neglecting any creative talents before I turned into a teenager.
Cas does the classes and she told me how to do some simple paintings.
